Reflecting on Men and Leadership
By: Alejandro Covarrubias
As a young boy, I was taught that to be a good man meant to be a leader. But I was never taught how to be a leader because people around me believed that leaders were born and not developed. I think in many ways some of the men, (coaches, teachers, uncles) in my life took the same approach. I was never explicitly taught what it meant to be a good man, I think I was supposed to just figure it out. As I look back on my life, I am thankful that other men, and women, took the time to teach me how to be a strong leader and how to be a good man. Although many of these lessons came throughout my life, some of the most powerful lessons came during the year I spent in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC).
After I graduated from college, I had the opportunity to spend a year of service in the JVC. I worked in a daytime hospitality shelter for the homeless called Loaves and Fishes. My days were spent providing resources, sharing meals, talking story, and occasionally breaking up a fight. Through my relationships with co-workers and guests of Loaves and Fishes, I learned that to be a leader and a good man meant to be humble, to take accountability, to have empathy, and to receive support from others.
Friendship Park at Loaves & Fishes
Lee Womack is a mountain of a man who stands 6’4”, has the biceps the size of an average man’s thighs, and has a stare that would make even the hardest UFC fighter want to pack up and go home before the fight. Lee’s regular job was to patrol the street outside the shelter and everyone knew not to mess with Lee. One day we had a cosmetology school come and volunteer in the shelter to give free pedicures to our homeless guests and Lee was the first to volunteer to help wash the feet of our guests. Now this was a job that completely grossed me out because to be honest feet are kinda gross. But at one point in the day I saw Lee on his hand and knees gently washing the feet of one of our homeless guests and they were laughing together. At the end of the day I asked Lee why he volunteered so quickly. His answer was simple and yet profound, “It teaches me humblebility.” By doing the work and the duties that I thought I was above, Lee gained the ability to be humble or “humblebility.” A good leader and a good man are not above any job or duty, especially when it is in the service others. A good leader and a good man have the humility to take on the roles that others despise and do them with a sense of pride.
One my duties at the shelter was to be “security” and one day someone said they saw a guest with a gun. My boss, Garren, quickly went into action and told me to follow behind him as we tried to find the person with the gun. We efficiently covered the shelter and then went out onto the street to try to find the gun. At one moment, I asked Garren, “Why are we willingly looking for someone with a gun?!?!” His answer was, “To keep our guests safe.” This was Garren’s mission and goal every day of his life: to keep people safe and to never intentionally harm people. In Garren’s former life he was a drug addict, alcoholic, prison inmate and had committed many acts of violence. When I met Garren, he was 12 years clean and sober; and he worked to protect and care for the people he once took advantage of. This is what it means to be accountable to the people we hurt. A good leader and a good man takes responsibility for his actions, does what is necessary (getting sober or otherwise) to be healthy again, and then does what he can to repair the relationships that he negatively impacted. A true leader and a good man holds others and himself accountable.
As a Jesuit Volunteer (JV), I lived with seven other JVs and one of my roommates, Lauren, worked with me at the shelter. Lauren’s job was primarily to work at the front desk, but she much preferred to be among our guest, sharing stories, and learning about the lives of others. So on a daily basis I would hear over the intercom “LAUREN TO THE FRONT DESK!! LAUREN TO THE FRONT DESK!!” And even though everyone in the shelter could here it, she was absolutely oblivious to the requests. This is because Lauren had this empathic gift to sit with someone and listen to them so intently that they felt like they were the only person on earth that mattered. To share this gift with anyone, but especially with someone in a homeless shelter, is a powerful and beautiful experience. A good man and a good leader has the empathy to sit with those around them and take the time to make a human connection. Leaders and men are often taught to not make this kind of connection because our teams may see our weaknesses and flaws. By showing empathy we, as men and as leaders, empower those around us and build stronger relationships that will benefit everyone in the end.
Loaves and Fishes was an outside shelter that looked like a park, which meant when it rained in the winter it was cold, wet, and dreary. It had been raining for about a week straight and I shared with one of the homeless guests, Jerry, that I was feeling a little depressed and at that moment very cold and hungry. I was called off to unplug some of our drainage ditch so the shelter would not get flooded. After about an hour of working in the mud, Jerry showed up with a cup of noodle that we sold for a quarter at the front desk. He tried to give it to me and I refused it because it cost him some of the little money he made from recycling cans. Jerry said to me, “I want you to have it, you are cold and hungry and I want to support you like you support me.” His words were so kind and sincere and I gratefully accepted the cup of noodle. A good man and a strong leader knows how to accept the support of his community and knows that leadership and manhood is not solely about doing and giving to others. Leadership and healthy masculinity involves accepting and receiving the love, support, and help from those around you.
There are so many lessons and gifts that I continually reflect on from the JVC. But none were more important than the ones I learned about leadership and manhood, and how those are deeply connected for me. I was formed to be a man and a leader by Lee to have “humblebillity”; by Garren to be accountable to those I have hurt; by Lauren to show empathy; and by Jerry to openly receive the support of those I support.
Alejandro Covarrubias is the Assistant Director of the Cultural Centers at USF. He can be reached through email at afcovarrubias@usfca.edu.
